I Don’t Love You Anymore

crying-slide
Tumblr: Broken  in grayscale

Dear _____,

I am sorry you had to hear, I don’t love you anymore.  Wedding season is in full effect, couples are planning there forever. However,  if the divorce rate is 50%, some person is in the process of hearing I don’t love you anymore. I wrote this blog to encourage you, this too shall pass, don’t be discouraged.

I don’t love you anymore, so, now what?

The end of a relationship can produce grief similar to mourning the death of a loved one. Grief is an individualized process, everyone grieves differently.  It is a personal experience,  there isn’t a right or wrong way to go through the process.  The process has no order and time limit.

The 5 stages of Loss & Grief ( Kubler-Ross)

  1. Denial
  2. Anger
  3. Bargaining
  4. Depression
  5. Acceptance

Denial

Good old denial, the writing was on the wall but you didn’t want to see it. In hindsight, when you look back it wasn’t one moment but lots of moments that you knew your marriage was over.  The actions of your significant other told you for months , years that hey “I don’t love you.” Yet,  denial took over and you buried your head in the sand or try to make things better. I have been there myself, believe me I know. Denial won’t help, you need to be prepared for the outcome.

Bargaining

The begging, pleading, and trying to change yourself phase. They tell you, I don’t love you and thus you begin trying to bargain with an irrational person. Love is a verb an action, if they don’t love you it won’t get better.  Never beg someone to love you or stay.

Let Them Go by T.D. Jakes

“There are people who can walk away from you.

And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you, let them walk.
I don’t want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you,
coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean, hang up the phone.

When people can walk away from you, let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody who left.

The Bible said that they came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were not for
us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us. [1 John 2:19]

People leave you because they are not joined to you.
And if they are not joined to you, you can’t make them stay.

Let them go.

It doesn’t mean that they are a bad person; it just means that their part in the story is over.
And you’ve got to know when peoples’ part in your story is over
so that you don’t keep trying to raise the dead. You’ve got to know when it’s dead.

You’ve got to know when it’s over. Let me tell you something. I’ve got the gift of good-bye. It’s the tenth spiritual gift. I believe in good-bye. It’s not that I’m hateful, it’s that I’m faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He’ll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don’t need it.
Stop begging people to stay.

So boy or girl bye!

Depression

Depression, reality begins to set in and you don’t feel like dealing with anything.  This phase, I found comes and goes  even in the other stages. You can have your moments just don’t stay there.  Your children, family, and friends need you.

Anger

You hurt me so, I’ll hurt you. It’s a natural response get angry but don’t become bitter. The divorce process can be mentally exhausting even if you come to terms with the divorce. The lawyer fees are enough to keep you angry. I was over my soon to be ex but the lawyer fees would make me mad all over again.  I understand  being angry , sacrificing so much and getting nothing in return.  Anger can be a healthy tool or if can be a cancer. You choose!

Acceptance

That wonderful, peaceful, and nervous place, where you realize the divorce was a blessing in disguise. You come to terms with the divorce. You are learning to live as an I and not as a we. You accepted that person isn’t the end of your life.

Louis CK on divorce:

 

I will be sharing the good, bad, blessings, and laughter of divorce. Yes, laughter!  Until next time, remember  you are loved!

 

 

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